


An Extraordinarily Normal and Uneventful Day Out

by yoshizora



Category: Chainsaw Man (Manga)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Not Canon Compliant, slice of life-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27755056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoshizora/pseuds/yoshizora
Summary: Quanxi and her girls go to Disneyland.
Relationships: Quanxi/her harem
Comments: 17
Kudos: 48





	An Extraordinarily Normal and Uneventful Day Out

**Author's Note:**

> i just [clenches fist] love quanxi and her girls
> 
> just like in my other fic, qiuyue is not the stitch fiend's canon name, it's just one i picked for the sake of having a name for her.

One of those uniformed guys shows up out of nowhere like usual, while Quanxi is occupied with trying to fish a piece of broken glass out of Long’s throat.

“Chew your food next time,” she says at the same time as his arrival. Cosmo shouts and points at him. No one around them seems to notice; or they’re too terrified to look their way (which suits them just fine, really, even if Quanxi doesn’t care about drawing attention with her cadre). Long makes a gagging noise and sticks her tongue out of her mouth, that piece of glass resting at the tip. Quanxi plucks it and tosses it aside to bounce against the sidewalk.

“We have a job for you.”

“Not interested today.”

“A Face Devil is causing problems in Changqiao Residential District.”

“Sounds rough.”

“Don’t you want to hear what the reward is?”

“No.”

The guy goes ahead anyway. “We’ve already begun to make the appropriate arrangements in advance. One free day at any public location of your choosing. We will be surveilling you, but there will be no interference otherwise.”

Quanxi glances at him sidelong, balefully, still holding onto Long’s head. She absentmindedly rubs her thumbs along her horns and Long hums inquisitively. Damn, like she wasn’t enjoying her day already. Work is work. It’s just a drag and sometimes she doesn’t feel like doing anything on some particular weekdays during some particular weather patterns. Nothing wrong with that.

“Anywhere we want?” Pingtsi chimes in, leaning across the table. She waves a hand in the air like a schoolgirl asking to be called on. “Lady Quanxi! Let’s go to Disneyland!”

Fucking Disney. She stares at Pingtsi’s eager smile.

“… Mmh. Fine.”

A couple hours later, that man reappears to confirm the Face Devil’s death. Quanxi doesn’t give a shit anymore. She just wants to go home and wash the blood off herself and sleep for a dozen hours or so.

* * *

A van arrives in the early hours of the morning, hidden in the steam of morning hawkers preparing their food, but far too conspicuous with its reinforced hull and tinted windows. A different guy in the same uniform is there to greet them, all stoic business and no idle chitchat, waiting for the five of them to load in before climbing into the driver’s seat.

“No funny business,” he says, peering at them through the rearview mirror with beady eyes.

No promises are made. Once they reach the highway, Cosmo opens her mouth.

“Halloween!”

“Hey—“

“Ha-llo-ween!”

“H-Hallo— _Quanxi, get your fiends under control—!_ ”

Too late. The driver spasms, sweat beading at his temples and face screwing up in agony— he jerks the wheel and they nearly side-sweep a taxi. Cosmo takes that as her cue to raise her arms, knuckles brushing against the ceiling of the van.

“Halloween!”

“Halloweeeen?!” The Driver slurs, frothing at the mouth.

Quanxi feigns sleep. She doesn’t move or react as the van veers again to the right, then drifts dangerously close to the guardrail, and a truck honks at them. The driver screams in between his shouting and Pingtsi cheers, showing Long how to raise her arms like Cosmo. The van scrapes against another car with a horrible screech. It’s deafening.

“This is what you do on roller coasters. You stretch up like— no, don’t claw at the ceiling— Lady Quanxi, Long isn’t doing it right! No, no, you keep your elbows straightened out. There’ll be more space on the roller coaster, okay? Wow, Qiuyue, you kind of suck at this.”

The van goes careening across the highway, bouncing off of other cars like they’re in a pinball machine. Quanxi pretends to sleep the entire way, ignoring the driver’s frantic pleas and Pingtsi’s rambling.

Somehow, they make it. Somehow, no one has died. Probably. The van sputters to a pitiful stop at the entrance, at which point the driver hastily rips his seatbelt off and tumbles out, vomiting.

The bigger the job, the bigger the reward— that’s how it usually goes. Quanxi has the luxury of being allowed to pick jobs at her leisure, but she does not have the privilege of choosing the rewards. It’s small things, usually. Like money. Most of the time it’s money. Then there’s all those unsaid rewards, like immunity to _most_ laws and a safe place to hide out should Japan ever decide to come looking for her again. A day at fucking Disney is an odd thing for sure, which Quanxi might say if she actually cared that much about it.

She just kills Devils in exchange for a quiet life with her girls.

The van driver screams on the ground, writhing and clutching his head. Quanxi steps over him, one girl on each arm, wondering if they sell cigarettes in the park.

“You lead the way,” she says to Pingtsi. “You’re the one who picked this place.”

“Hehe, you got it!” Pingtsi does a cute little salute that almost makes Quanxi smile, sort of. “Oooh, Lady Quanxi, I wanna take a picture with Mickey! We’ve gotta try those famous roller coasters too, and other rides— _It’s a Small World_ , if they’ve got that here. Unless it’s only in the American park?! Ahh, we can’t afford a trip all the way _there_. Nevermind, I’ll take a map. Hey, Cosmo, no wandering off!”

Cosmo is wandering off.

Quanxi shrugs.

The park is completely devoid of any other visitors. Tinny music plays over some speakers somewhere, and she spots staff members lurking in the shops and patrolling the streets, but it’s otherwise empty. Someone dressed as a princess in a big, sparkly dress winks coyly at her. Quanxi looks the other way.

Long and Qiuyue stay pressed to her sides the entire time while Pingtsi marches ahead with her map held up like a flag. A theme park wouldn’t have been her first pick. Actually, Quanxi wouldn’t have picked anything. Let the girls pick whatever they want (though it’s almost always Pingtsi who speaks for all four of them, because she’s kind of the only one who regularly speaks in more than grunts or single words) and that’s just fine.

That Devil was unusually easy to kill.

But most things are easy to kill?

“It’s Dumbo! Lady Quanxi, look!”

“Mmh. I see it.”

“Let’s go on that one!”

The attendants, faces plastered with cheerful smiles, greet them and gesture to those Dumbo-shaped fliers for them to get in.

Face Devil…

Quanxi loses her train of thought. She’s too tired for some shitty detective work. The Dumbos rise up into the air and Long clings to her, hissing under her breath as they’re taken off the ground. She pats her hair and rubs her horns. In the Dumbo up ahead, Pingtsi tries to lift Qiuyue’s limp arms, showing her how to wave her hands in the air like a normal park-goer.

* * *

They go on ride after ride until Pingtsi gets bored of them. Long tries to maul someone in a mascot suit at one point, which is her prerogative as far as Quanxi is concerned. Pingtsi grabs some hats with Mickey ears on them without paying, which is also her prerogative as far as Quanxi is concerned.

“Ahaha, it’s fucking Mickey!” Pingtsi howls with laughter after she plops one of the caps on Qiuyue’s head. Apathetic as always, Qiuyue sways on the spot and doesn’t do anything.

The cap won’t go over Long’s horns, but Quanxi allows Pingtsi to adorn her with one of them. Whatever makes her happy.

* * *

At some point, on a random whim, Pingtsi decides to take a look at one of the wandering mascots. She holds up her thumb and forefinger in a ring, peering through the eye of her snake tail, and pulls at Quanxi’s elbow.

“Lady Quanxi! I have something to report!”

“Yeah?”

“There are Devils inside of those suits!”

Long growls. Quanxi takes a deep drag from her cigarette as she ponders what to do, too tired from all the rides and photobooths and salty pretzels. Besides, she didn’t bring her swords. Not that she _needs_ swords, but it’s just less of a hassle. Oh, good, Cosmo is trotting over, red all around her mouth. Hm.

“Where were _you_ this whole time, huh?! It’s more fun when we stick together as a group!” Pingtsi chastises her, to which Cosmo simply announces _Halloween!_ and looks to Quanxi. So she noticed too, then. Or she knew this entire time and just wanted to enjoy the day to its fullest before they’d have to get to work. That’s not blood around her mouth, it’s strawberry juice, probably from some shaved ice. There’s some poor concession stand worker at the other side of the park, babbling in madness. Oh, well.

Do they have to work?

It’s not like anyone told them to.

Mickey and Minnie shuffle over, their movements jerky and menacing. Goofy is right behind them. Donald approaches from the other side with Chip and Dale. One of those Disney princesses that had been winking at Quanxi dances along like a sort of music box ballet dancer, the kind that spins in a perfect rhythm without pause. Quanxi takes one last drag from her cigarette before putting it out below her heel.

“Quanxi?” Long had already snapped the links of her cuffs, waiting for an order.

“Mmhm.” That thing they killed the other day was just a small part of the Face Devil, she figures. And the van driver was compromised— was that why Cosmo was messing with him? Yeah, probably.

Damnit, she’s not a detective. Her only job is to kill things.

The park’s guests. They’re still somewhere here unless they’ve already been taken by the Devil, Quanxi realizes. That’s too bad. There were probably a lot of children among them.

Well, no wonder the reward wasn’t a mere suitcase of money this time. 

“Alright,” Quanxi says with a sigh. The mascots are getting closer; other characters have joined them with their awkward gaits, plus more spinning princesses showing off their pretty dresses. Even a few uniformed staff members are in the mix now; their faces aren’t quite right now that she takes the time to notice them, like the blurry edges of a photograph.

“We’ll get in trouble if we kill so many civilians without sanction, casualties or no. They may be salvageable if we take out the Devil behind this.” Quanxi rolls her shoulders, stretching out a stiff crick in her neck. “It’s a pain, but we’re on the job now.”

“Aww, really? But we didn’t even see Pooh yet…”

“Ladies.” She presses a kiss to Pingtsi’s forehead, which seems to placate her. “Minimize the killing, if you can.”

“Halloween!”

… It’s the effort that counts.

Quanxi knows just enough about these fucking Disneylands— like the fact that there’s a sprawling network of tunnels underneath their feet, big enough to be its own city, where employees scurry back and forth like rats to keep the beast running. She finds an entrance easily enough, ducking in while her fiends keep the rest of the defaced victims busy. Hopefully with minimal bloodshed, but it really isn’t her problem if some people happen to die.

Shit happens.

The tunnels are empty. Her senses tell her that something is down here— obvious enough, because private event or not there should be dozens of employees traversing the underground highways. It’s brightly lit and clean, but concrete and industrial. The scent of blood wafts through a cold breeze.

She lifts her eyepatch and reaches into the socket, grasping her arrow. 

* * *

“I wanted! To eat! A churro!” Pingtsi enunciates every other word with a stab. Pluto the big friendly dog collapses in a heap of ruined mascot suit, the inhabitant inside groaning. “We could’ve had a hundred churros, but this Devil had to interrupt our big day!”

“Halloween!”

“And you!” She swivels on her heels, pointing her knife at Cosmo. “I smell the strawberry on you! Where did you get shaved ice?!”

“There’s more,” Long says. She’s wide-eyed and alert now, crouched like an animal. Most of the groaning Disneyland employees littering the streets around them won’t die, some probably will, well— they tried. But they’re not good at hurting people without killing them. Fiends don’t typically work that way, nor are they well-versed in the art of restraint and holding themselves back.

Pingtsi loudly groans to voice her displeasure to anyone who might hear her. Qiuyue is still wearing that silly Mickey Mouse cap.

“This is taking forever. We can’t be gentle with all of them, that’s just unrealistic! Even if Lady Quanxi asked us not to kill…” Quanxi won’t be mad, right? A few casualties are unavoidable. Besides, Long looks _hungry._ Churros and shaved ice aren’t going to sate her appetite.

“O—kay!” Pingtsi claps her hands together. “In Lady Quanxi’s stead, I give Long permission to go wild!”

“Halloween!”

“Not you, Cosmo. You didn’t share your shaved ice!”

Without waiting for any other sort of confirmation, Long steps forward, eyes ablaze. Her chest swells and she roars a great storm of fire at all the approaching zombies. No, not zombies, they’re still alive. Mind-controlled victims. But they’re not really mind-controlled either… well, whatever. They're all on fire now, so it doesn't matter.

* * *

The Face Devil is a massive, hulking hive-like _thing_ fixed to a wall with its many faces and many voices. Its flesh ripples with each booming laugh. It stole so many faces it couldn’t even sustain its own mobility, and now it’s stuck in one place and bloated with too much ego. Such incredible power! Such violent bloodlust! No Devil Hunter can possibly remain standing before its fearsome presence, when it has consumed the faces of hundreds of humans! It shall take every last face in China, then nothing can stop it!

Quanxi shoots it full of holes, then shoots it full of even more holes for good measure. Then she shoots more holes into its remains because she’s just that irritated.

* * *

A uniformed man arrives before the authorities do. He surveys the scene before him— park employees barely alive and barely dead, very confused civilians sitting around and clutching their faces. Smoldering street lamps and melted trash cans. Blood dripping into the gutters. Mickey Mouse draped over a tree branch— that mascot suit looks like it’s empty. A small child loudly cries, standing in the middle of the street. One of the Disney princesses is trying to comfort him, even though she's bleeding from a wound. 

He doesn’t comment on the Mickey hat sitting atop Quanxi’s head. She greets him with a bland, dead-eyed stare, one girl on each arm and that stitch-faced fiend hanging onto her shoulders. The cosmos fiend grins at him, but he pointedly keeps his gaze trained away from her.

“This was… unprecedented,” he says. “But you will be rewarded handsomely for eliminating that Face Devil once and for all. It had killed two other Devil Hunters in the past month. This could have been a national incident had you not stepped in.”

“Mmh.”

“… You’ll receive the money within twenty four hours.” Then he turns around and leaves.

The van, all beaten up and dented, is still parked haphazardly in front of the entrance, but its driver is nowhere to be seen. All that’s left is a dried spot of vomit on the concrete. Quanxi looks through the cracked window— the keys had been left in the ignition, so she motions for her fiends to get in.

Excursion’s over. Time to head out before they’re spotted by any marauding camera crews. No, they can’t grab some churros before they leave, no matter how much Pingtsi pouts. Did Long take some bites out of people? That’s fine. As usual, Qiuyue was the best-behaved and did nothing wrong.

She drives them back home, purposely hitting several cars on the way because Pingtsi and Cosmo seem to enjoy that.


End file.
